We must reclaim the words that have been twisted against us. “Affirmation” without truth is not compassion. “Care” that causes sterilization is not medicine. “Love” that agrees with despair is not love.
Originally Published by Pitt through Substack
For years, parents like me have been given a terrifying but untrue ultimatum: “Would you rather have a dead son or an alive daughter?” This question, repeated by doctors and therapists, has become a script used to manipulate families into compliance. It is not compassion; it is emotional blackmail and plants the seed of despair.
We were told that if we didn’t “affirm” our child’s new identity, we might cause them to harm themselves, up to and including taking their own lives. No parent can hear those words and think clearly. But the truth is really the opposite. Sweden’s long-term study showed that the suicide risk is 19 times higher for people after medical transition. A study in Finland showed that the risk of suicide was 36% higher after transition. Because transition doesn’t resolve despair; it often deepens it. The promise that it saves lives has never been supported by any credible evidence.
The stories of recovery — young adults who desisted, detransitioned, or simply grew out of their gender distress once they received genuine therapy, compassion, and time — prove that “affirmation” is not the answer. The desire to transition, the feeling that one is “born in the wrong body” is but a symptom of deeper struggles — anxiety, trauma, autism, social pressure, and/or loneliness.
The tragedy is that this manipulation is systemic. It’s not one rogue doctor or one activist group. It’s a coordinated ideology that has taken hold across pediatric medicine, education, research, and mental health. It would seem like good news that a Texas doctor lost her license for prescribing gender transition drugs to minors, but it doesn’t stop her from this practice. She just moves to Oregon and carries on.
Still, the emotional blackmail continues. Children are told their parents don’t love them if they hesitate to affirm. Parents are told their children will die if they don’t affirm. These lies must end. We need to turn the language around. How do we reclaim words like love, compassion, and care from those who have twisted them into tools of compliance with a misguided, unscientific and ultimately evil practice.
Parents who say no to medicalization are not cruel, they are courageous. They are protecting their children from irreversible harm. Telling a child their body is wrong is not kindness, it’s a betrayal of trust. It’s a perversion of science.
We must reclaim the words that have been twisted against us. “Affirmation” without truth is not compassion. “Care” that causes sterilization is not medicine. “Love” that agrees with despair is not love.
The question we should be asking isn’t, “Would you rather have a dead son or an alive daughter?” It’s this: “Would you rather have a healthy child who learns to love themselves as they are, or a damaged one who regrets that adults didn’t protect them and is made a lifelong patient?”
Transition does not save children. Truth does. Compassion does. Real mental health care does. Parents are not the villains in this story — they are the last line of defense between their children and a system that preys on their pain.
It’s time to end the lies, stop the fear, and start telling the truth that there is a greater chance of suicide if one transitions.
No more children should end their life because of these manipulative lies.
