We had fun, we laughed, we loved…I look over old photographs, searching for signs, looking into your eyes to see if it was all lies as you would now have us believe…I can’t see it. I wish I could and then I could make sense of where we are now.
Originally Published by Pitt through Substack
Soon we will mark five long and silent years since we last saw you. Those five years have felt like one long, dark, sad and surreal day that never ends. I heard a while back that you referred to your old home as ‘Purgatory’. I think you’re right; that’s what you handed us when you said you never wanted anything to do with us again. We’ve been in this state of suffering, this living hell ever since.
I often wonder how you make peace with it all. Your behaviour was so out of character that it still takes my breath away every day, even after all these years. I think you’ve been sold many lies, not only about taking testosterone and removing healthy body parts in order to change you, a female, into a gay man, but also about who will truly have your back for the rest of your life. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s not going to be the so-called friends you have now or their families. I truly hope you have a blessed life and you never have to find out the painful truth of these lies. Ignorance is bliss after all.
I often daydream about times gone by, before the trans madness entered our home with its insidious tentacles, tainting everything it touched. We had fun, we laughed, we loved…I look over old photographs, searching for signs, looking into your eyes to see if it was all lies as you would now have us believe…I can’t see it. I wish I could and then I could make sense of where we are now.
Five years is a long time to have no contact with someone you love. It feels like a lifetime in some ways and the blink of an eye in others. But I have to be realistic, you’re never coming back, are you? We’ve spent the last five years in this weird space, hoping you would find some empathy, some compassion, some brain maturation, just something. The world around us has changed. Life literally has gone on and yet we have remained here in this house, surrounded by photos of you, your things, so many memories, rooted to the spot in shock. Don’t get me wrong; we’ve put on a marvelous show for your sister and the few people we now trust to see. But inside, our hearts are shattered.
But I have to be realistic, you’re not coming back and even if by some miracle you find it in yourself to return, it will never be the same. I don’t know you anymore and I quite often wonder if I ever really did. Me and your dad, we have to move on now for our own sakes or we will be sitting here another five years from now, wondering if tomorrow will be the day you come home. And then another five years. We need to mourn you and our life as it was and that can never be again.
We pay a heavy price in loving you but it’s because we love you that we accept it. We will be ready and waiting for you wherever we are until we take our last breaths. I hope you can find us. You are our child, and you always will be, and we will always, always love you.
